Recognizing the gravity of my sin and the curse is deeply humbling. Here were some personal reflections that came out of meditating on these chapters.
The story of Adam of Eve just became extremely personal.
I see myself in the story of the Fall.
And I see the residue of the Fall all around me.
Satan is so deceptive and knows how to discreetly sow seeds of doubt, telling me that God cannot be trusted.
He whispers lies that make me feel small, insignificant, and unloved.
He twists the truth making sin seem harmless and satisfying.
I minimize my sin, generalize it, and do everything I can to escape its consequences.
I point the finger and blame, play the victim.
Shame and fear keep me hiding from those I love and those who love me.
At times, I'd rather live in condemnation because I have a hard time accepting a grace that is completely unearned.
I am willing to settle for a conditional love which is completely dependent on my ability to perform, serve, and give.
I busy myself with things to avoid having to deal with the pain of loneliness and separation from God.
I, like man, work to survive because I am a single woman who has to care for herself.
I let the power of man "rule over me" and look to him for my worth.
Created for relationship, yet function in a self-sufficient way that avoids appearing weak or revealing my brokenness for fear of being a burden on others.
The curse. I know it so well.
There is such a fine line between condemnation and humility. For someone who can easily swing from complete denial of my sin to someone who also is incredible hard on myself, it is both good for me to take time to reflect on the sadness of sin and how it separates us from God. But, it is also incredibly important to recognize that this was NOT as God intended and NOT who I am in my fullness.
If we allowed ourselves to stay in the mindset of the Fall fixating on the soberness of our sinful state, this would lead us to despair. We would completely negate the work of the cross and God's ultimate grace displayed through Jesus.
"Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus... For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace" (Romans 6:8-11,14).However, when we forget where we came from and live our lives recklessly and pridefully apart from God, we "cheapen" the grace that "cost" Christ so much on our behalf (as Bonhoeffer writes about in "Cost of Discipleship").
"What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? ...For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death." (Romans 6:15-16, 20-21).A heart that humbly accepts the propensity of God's grace is quick and unyielding to say, "where would I be, if not for your grace..." Humility must be a starting point if we want to be more grateful people.
In my pride and blindedness, I can easily become demanding with God: "Why don't I have these things in my life? Why me, Lord? You are so unfair." But who am I to make light of God's incredible mercy towards me? "And the LORD God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them" (3:21). God could have easily just kicked Adam and Eve to the curb for having disobeyed him. But rather, God showed compassion, and made clothes for them. This was NOT His best for them and they would have to live with the consequences of their sin, but this was not the end of the story. The Lord's trigger finger was mercy.
When I see this story in light of God's mercy, I am in awe. Why would God choose to love someone like me who has nothing to offer Him and constantly chooses to live for myself instead of Christ? Grace. When I stop and think about God's grace.... I am completely humbled. That's the gospel. Thankfulness becomes the natural overflow of a heart that comes to accept God's grace for what it is... completely unearned, abundant, and good.
I am coming to see what Paul meant when he said: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." God's grace is enough. At times it feels more abundant than others, but it is always enough. May the Lord keep my heart humble, dependent on His grace, and deeply thankful. It's not natural, but I believe this is the road to freedom.
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So with that, here's some simple, yet profound words which struck me this week from Michael Ramsey, former Archbishop of Canterbury:
"How to Grow in Humility"
Thank God often.
Take care of the confession of your sin.
Be ready to accept humiliation.
Do not be worried about status.
Use your sense of humor (laugh often; be serious, but never solemn).
