Usefulness or Relationship?

In a society that places your worth on your productivity, position, and trophies on your bookshelf, I needed to be reminded of this.

"Do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven." —Luke 10:20  

Jesus Christ is saying here, “Don’t rejoice in your successful service for Me, but rejoice because of your right relationship with Me.” The trap you may fall into in Christian work is to rejoice in successful service— rejoicing in the fact that God has used you. Yet you will never be able to measure fully what God will do through you if you have a right-standing relationship with Jesus Christ. If you keep your relationship right with Him, then regardless of your circumstances or whoever you encounter each day, He will continue to pour “rivers of living water” through you (John 7:38). And it is actually by His mercy that He does not let you know it. Once you have the right relationship with God through salvation and sanctification, remember that whatever your circumstances may be, you have been placed in them by God. And God uses the reaction of your life to your circumstances to fulfill His purpose, as long as you continue to “walk in the light as He is in the light” (1 John 1:7). 

Our tendency today is to put the emphasis on service. Beware of the people who make their request for help on the basis of someone’s usefulness. If you make usefulness the test, then Jesus Christ was the greatest failure who ever lived. For the saint, direction and guidance come from God Himself, not some measure of that saint’s usefulness. It is the work that God does through us that counts, not what we do for Him. All that our Lord gives His attention to in a person’s life is that person’s relationship with God— something of great value to His Father. Jesus is “bringing many sons to glory . . .” (Hebrews 2:10).

-- excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

The Other 9.1%

Let's be honest...

UNEMPLOYMENT SUCKS.

Finding a job is a full-time job.
You work so hard going through the daily grind of job searching, constant resume and cover letter updating, making phone calls, exhausting your resources...
Only to wake up and do it all again the next day.
Meanwhile, watching your bank account dwindle...
Trying to make ends meet by taking odd jobs.
Your supposedly empty schedule becomes very full with endless tasks...
Because the list never goes away until you find a job.
Anxiety and fear creeps in.
You develop a plan B, C, D, and E.
Trying to be hopeful, open, flexible, but bordering desperation.
Ideals dwindle, and a job just becomes about survival.

Identity, rocked.
Security, unsure.
Anxiety, high.
Faith, tested.

I struggled writing tonight because this all feels so messy, so raw.
But it's honest.
I am being rocked on every level.
Yet, so is almost 9.1% of America.
I have a newfound compassion for the unemployed.

When I allow myself to zoom out on my life,
I have to believe that there is purpose in this season.
Even if it be a time of refinement in my faith,
growth in compassion for the poor and sojourner who face this on a daily basis,
or to be reminded of where my true identity lies.

My only hope is in Him and His promises.
God knows my needs and sees me.
He promises to provide.
It won't always be this way.

What would I do without the hope I have in Jesus?
What does the other 9.1% do?

"On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand,

All other ground is sinking sand."

Made in God's Image

Once again, Robert Lupton completely blows me away. In this book, he shares in little vignettes how his experiences from inner city ministry completely exposed God's heart for the poor and transformed Him in the process. I've just begun this book, but I can barely put it down. Here's a chapter that will rub you in really good ways. I just had to share it.

THE IMAGE OF GOD
Behold, an infant. A normal man-child in most respects. A kind-natured child. A child with promise and potential.
Watch him as he enters a rancid, smoke-filled world that resounds with the shouts and crashes of parents in conflict. Listen to him as he begins to compete for affection and food, and finds both forms of nourishment in short supply. His cries and soon his words become demanding. He pushes and grasps for strong boundaries that will assure him he is safe and loved, but finds only weak indulgence. No clear limits. No consistent discipline. Just impulsive beatings and permissive disinterest from parents preoccupied with their own survival. He begins to question his own worth. School confirms his suspicions. He drops out. He roams the streets at will, disguising his fear as nonchalance.
Behold a young man. A kind-natured, strong, undisciplined young man. Watch him as he falls in love, marries, and starts a family of his own. See his dreams begin to crumble as he loses one job, then another. He is evicted from a string of dingy apartments. His neighbors and "friends" spread rumors of child abuse and deprivation. The county takes four of his children. His wife loses respect for him. He is falsely accused of beastiality, arrested, and thrown in jail. Watch now as inmates and officials violate him. Watch as the last glimmer of dignity is choked out.
Behold a man. A broken man, scarcely forty. Parents dead. Rejected by his family. He walks the streets alone, head bent, shoulders stooped, hair matted, teeth rotting, drool running down his unshaven chin. A kind-natured man now babbling foolishly a salad of loosely connected thoughts and phrases... He is prideless, worthless to his wife and children than the social worker that issues their food stamps.
Watch now as a miracle unfolds. A metamorphosis! The wind of the Spirit of God blows through and about Lester's life. A man made in the image of God and reduced to nearly animal form is slowly being restored. God begins to convince Lester that he has worth, that he is loved.
The message comes from many sources. A family who invites Lester and his family for a picnic. A businessman who continues to hire, fire, and rehire Lester on a job, insisting on a standard of responsible work yet holding on to Lester with firm love. People who notice and praise Lester when he is bathed, shaved, or wearing clean clothes. A person who accepts a gift from Lester without chiding him for "taking food out of his children's mouths." A minister who prays with Lester. A counselor who intervenes to cool flaring family tempers and helps Lester expose his festering hurt and anger to the sunlight of God's acceptance. The people of God, the Church, become actors in the unfolding drama of re-creation while the wind of the Spirit breathes in new life.
What potential is confined within this unattractive shell we know as Lester? Who knows save the Creator himself? But of this we are certain: when Lester prays or weeps with joy, when he caresses his baby boy, we see the image of God.


If we believe that each person is created in the Image of God, then it is the the ministry of the Church through the Holy Spirit to remind the poor of their dignity and their worth when the world reduces them to nothing.

For theirs is the kingdom.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matt 5:3).

Promise for the Solitary

A few days ago, I was practicing some "Lectio Divina" with Psalm 68, particularly verses 4-10, and the Lord met me in a powerful way. As I rehearsed and listened to these verses over and over again, and paused in between each phrase I was particularly struck by verse 6.

⁴Sing to God, sing praises to his name;
    lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts;
his name is the LORD;
   exult before him!
⁵ Father of the fatherless and protector of widows
   is God in his holy habitation.
⁶God settles the solitary in a home;
   he leads out the prisoners to prosperity,
   but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.
 ⁷O God, when you went out before your people,
    when you marched through the wilderness,
⁸ the earth quaked, the heavens poured down rain,
   before God, the One of Sinai,
   before God, the God of Israel.
⁹ Rain in abundance, O God, you shed abroad;
   you restored your inheritance as it languished;
¹⁰your flock found a dwelling in it;
   in your goodness, O God, you provided for the needy.

This passage reveals that God has a special compassion towards the fatherless and the widow. He not only sees them, but He promises to provide for them at their most vulnerable and desperate place: "God settles the solitary in a home."

I completely resonate with being a solitary person. I grew up with an absent father. I am single. I am living on the complete opposite side of the country than my family.

This promise speaks deeply to me. Both the word "settle" and "home" are powerful words for a solitary person. The last thing we feel at times are settled or a sense of at-homeness in this world.

Where do we call home? Who do we belong to? Who is our family? All questions which lie at our deepest core as human beings.

In reading this passage, I was reminded of ways that my Heavenly Father has so graciously revealed this promise to me in this season by not only providing a physical roof over my head and a family that has completely adopted me, but He is also settling me emotionally and spiritually in a home more deeply with Him.

I am grateful to know that in God's family, I am promised that I will always have a place to call home. Sometimes, God allows us to experience a taste of home on this side of heaven in a physical location, a church, or relationships.

But I believe this promise speaks to something deeper in our souls. It speaks to who we are at our very core: We are His. Therefore, we belong.

"God settles the solitary in a home," or in other words, "in Him."

More than Ever

Over the last few weeks, I was given the opportunity to work on a music project for an event that my church was doing. It evolved into more of a rap song... conversation went as follows:

Michelle: "I've secretly always wanted to rap. Ya know, like Lauryn Hill. They used to call me 'Chelleboogie' in college." Daniel: [chuckles under his breath, yet being modest] "Yeah that's cool." Michelle: "Would you ever be open to doing a rap together?" Daniel: "haha... sure."

(1 day later...) 

Sue: "We need some acts for the BreakOut Community Event. Michelle, wanna do a song?" Michelle: [thinking to previous conversation] "Maybe. Hmmm. Well. Ok? How about a rap?" Sue: "YES!!! I'm signing you up." Michelle: "Uh, ok." 

Michelle: "So about that rap we talked about... wanna do it?" Daniel: "For real? Uh... sure." [clearly hesitant] Michelle: "Cool! Let's do it." [thinking: Oh my gosh! What did I just get myself into?]

We eventually roped in Alex Carpenter, master vocalist to do main vocals, and our group is complete. After a few practices this is what we came up with. It captures me and Daniel's testimony of growing up without a father and how God redeemed our stories. We felt like this was incredibly relevant given how many children grow up without a dad in the city. So we thought we'd share our story through an original song which could be a blessing to the community.

Instrumentals written by Michelle Santis. 

Vocals written by Alex Carpenter. 

Lyrics written by Daniel Castillo and Michelle Santis.

CHORUS 1

Where have you been?

And where have you gone?

I need you now more than ever

I need someone to care

Someone to be there

Cause I always feel like I’m alone

VERSE 1: Michelle

Daddy, where were you on my first day of Kindergarten?

Thank you for the cards

To remind me I was not forgotten.

Your money, your lies, your alcohol. Addicted.

Your love and affection was all I ever really wanted.

Tell me I am beautiful, smart, strong, loved

Hoping for relationship, all I was dreaming of

But you don’t even know me, the pain and prayers

Cause you weren’t there.

Daddy, did you even care?

CHORUS 1

Where have you been?

And where have you gone?

I need you now more than ever

I need someone to care

Someone to be there

Cause I always feel like I’m alone

VERSE 2: Daniel

I had a hard time growing up

Man of the house, still wasn’t old enough

No father, no love, anger just filling up

Six kids, no food, had to get my dough up,

So I took it to the streets, got to be sho nuff

Big homie, gun in hand, this is how you man up,

Feeling nervous, praying, just as we rolled up,

Got to slow it down, my father just showed up.

CHORUS 1

Where have you been?

And where have you gone?

I need you now more than ever

I need someone to care

Someone to be there

Cause I always feel like I’m alone

BRIDGE: Alex

I’ve been walking in the dark

I have strayed so very far

From what I know is true

Now I see your hand, so clear

You’ve seen each and every tear

Father, help me believe

VERSE 3: Michelle & Daniel

Thank you Lord for bringing down the Spirit

You protected us, Your love, I can really feel it

You called us Your own, gave us a home

Adopted in Your family, now I never have to be alone

Healed us from our brokenness, helped us to forgive

You are the example, taught us how to live

This is my testimony for all you to hear

Thank you Lord for always being there

CHORUS 2

Where have you been?

And where have you gone?

I need you now more than ever

But now I know you care

And you’ll always be there

I never need to be alone

ENDING

I never need to be alone

Cuz you’ll always be there

Remembering Aaron Vaughn

After the tragic chopper crash in Afghanistan this past weekend where 22 Elite Navy Seals died, which included my high school friend Aaron Vaughn, I was asked by ABC local news to be interviewed.

Aaron, may your life, your story, the dedication and sacrifice that you made for this country, and your unflinching faith in Christ live well beyond your years.

To Love requires Risk

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

- CS Lewis, The Four Loves