Unsettled and Settling

When I moved in with a family from my church earlier this summer, I was thinking 2-3 months was about the time frame that I would need in this time of transition.
I put my stuff in temporary storage (aka: my friends' guest bedroom in her house).
And brought maybe 15% of my belongings with me.
My thinking was--2-3 months, I would have a job.
I would be looking for an apartment.
This season was meant to be short-term.

Now 4 months later, I find myself in a very different situation.
Grateful to have 2 part-time jobs that I love and are a huge blessing (although one is short-term).
Building relationships with others who are passionate about the city of Long Beach and are making me fall in love with this place.
Feeling more and more at home living with this family.
Enjoying 3 beautiful kids which bring me so much joy and life.
Getting to live alongside one of the most amazing women I know and respect.
Okay with living simply. Who knew that I wouldn't miss the other 85% of my stuff?
Inheriting free furniture along the way (anticipating the move) but for now makes my room look like a storage closet.
The list goes on...

Current State of my Room 

This picture really captures this season in a nutshell.
A mattress just waiting to be used next to a desk where I work from home, both currently blocking my closet.
Not quite settled, yet functioning.
Unideal, yet gifts in disguise.

Sure, I would love to have full-time meaningful work with benefits right now.
I would love to be living in an apartment closer to the Westside where my church is invested in ministry.
I would love to have space to be volunteering my time to things I love.

But this is not the plan that the Lord has laid out for me right now.
It's so easy to fall into the trap of hoping that some sort of "normalcy" (whatever that is) will bring the peace and rest that I am looking for.
But this lie keeps us constantly spinning our wheels.
Striving, and yet missing out on the many gifts of today.
Maybe my picture of what's normal is not what the Lord has.
Or necessarily what is best.

Up until this point, resting was hard without having certain things secured in my life.
In the midst of the unsettledness which currently exists, I have choices to make.
Will I choose to believe in the good that each day holds?
Beyond my circumstances.
Beyond my relationship status.
Beyond my job status.
Beyond my financial status.
Beyond these other things that the world promises will bring the settledness we all long for as humans.

Somehow, God's promise to me a few weeks ago, "He settles the solitary in a home" (Ps 68:6) is bearing fruit.
Maybe just not in the ways I originally thought He would settle me.

Good News!!

I've picked up a new part-time dream job (well, at least for the next couple months)!!! 

Even though it is not permanent, this is seriously an extravagant gift right from the hand of the Father cause it had nothing to do with me, and the timing of it was right at the midnight hour.
Isn't that how God often works? At least, He likes to keep me waiting...

This one just fell on my lap.

Here's a little synopsis:

I met with the man this morning who will now be my boss! As I am walking up to the office where I am to meet him, he is sitting on the stairs chatting it up with some of the community members and volunteers. He greets me, and within the first 5 minutes of our conversation, he says "Don't worry. You don't have to be nervous or try to impress me. You've already been highly recommended, so if you're interested, I already want to hire you." I'm completely floored by his directness and warmth. As I take a deep breath, the conversation only gets better... 

He basically laid out the vision of Vision360 which is a national church planting movement which plans to focus its ministry here in Long Beach. They are getting ready to launch at the end of October. He is needing me for the next 2 months to help him with this big introductory event which includes local pastors, businessmen, and community leaders in the city. My pastor is actually on the board for this organization. It's an amazing opportunity for me to network and to be plunged into a CCDA-type movement right here in Long Beach!! (CCDA is the Community Development organization that I have been connected to for the last couple years).  

Here's a video which will give you a snapshot of what Vision360 is all about:

Vision 360 - Introduction from Ryan Prouty on Vimeo 

It's only a short-term assignment and is part-time, but in combination with my other part-time job working with my friend's guitar teaching business, it should tie me over until the end of November. AND I'll still have time to be looking for a full-time job. At the very least, it will provide invaluable contacts with other urban practioners who are committed to the transformation of the city.

I am so blown away by God's love and provision! This assignment is clearly an answer to prayer on so many levels!!  I don't know what my life will look like beyond mid-November which is my end date, but I am hopeful that God is up to something and this is just the beginning. :)

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human mind has conceived, 
the things which God has prepared for those who love Him” (1 Cor. 2:9).

Floating in the "In Between"

2/3s of the year is gone.
1/3 of the year remains.
I don't normally think of my years in equal fractions, but there seems to be a correlation of seasons that align well.

The first 1/3 (Jan - Apr) was filled with celebration and closure.
I had my "last" meetings, one-on-ones, hiring of a staff I would not supervise, and for the RD who would replace me, and final banquets and goodbyes in Res Life.
I counted down the final days of my 20s and gave a welcome hello to my 30s.
Although sad to say goodbye to things which have brought me so much joy in the last few years, there was much anticipation of what this new season would hold.

In a very different season, the second 1/3 (May - Aug) has been filled with risk and stepping out.
This picture captures it perfectly.
I call it the "in between" space.
The open space where the trapeze artist lets go of the rope which is holding them securely in the air only to hope that their partner will catch them on the other side.
Floating in mid-air.
Seconds which probably feel like years.
Risking. Trusting. Hoping.
Feeling completely and utterly dependent.

This second 1/3 has been filled with all of the above.
I stepped out this past May and ran my very first half marathon, a goal that I had put off for the past 4 years. The risk for me was believing in myself that I would follow through with a challenge that I had set for myself, no matter how hard the training got.
I also stepped out and risked dating again. A risk which meant being willing to open up my heart again which was very significant for my healing process.
I risked musically... plunging myself into gospel style piano when there was a need for a keyboardist at my church, leading worship WHILE playing piano and singing, and giving free vocal coaching to an at-risk youth in order to help in her recovery process. All of which involved me putting myself out there and potentially exposing my limited and rusty skills for the sake of serving another.
But probably one of the biggest risks that I took was stepping out of my comfy, cozy job and and furnished apartment in order to be obedient to God's call to the city.
A risk taken, which for some in this economy, may not completely make sense.

I knew that whenever I stepped out from Res Life that major change was ahead.
But I also knew that if I let myself ignore God's nudging on my heart to be obedient to this calling towards the city, then my life would end up on a very different trajectory.
Fear would have its way.
And I'd be settling for what felt easy.
So I stepped out.
Into the great unknown.
Not putting my hope in the economy.
But rather in God.

As I look back on my life, I have learned that it is in the risking that we grow.
Not risking for the sake of risk.
But risking for the sake of obedience.
Most humans don't like that space "in between" because we feel very much out of control.
But I am convinced that growth doesn't happen when we settle for what's comfortable.

I may not necessarily enjoy all of the risks that God has led me into this season.
But if it is a matter of saying yes to fear versus saying yes to God, then heck yes...
I'm stepping out.

I don't know what this next 1/3 of the year holds, but I know that the safety net of God's will and provision is much more secure than anything I could fashion in my illusive grasp for control and comfort.

"Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life." - Donald Miller in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years