Floating in the "In Between"

2/3s of the year is gone.
1/3 of the year remains.
I don't normally think of my years in equal fractions, but there seems to be a correlation of seasons that align well.

The first 1/3 (Jan - Apr) was filled with celebration and closure.
I had my "last" meetings, one-on-ones, hiring of a staff I would not supervise, and for the RD who would replace me, and final banquets and goodbyes in Res Life.
I counted down the final days of my 20s and gave a welcome hello to my 30s.
Although sad to say goodbye to things which have brought me so much joy in the last few years, there was much anticipation of what this new season would hold.

In a very different season, the second 1/3 (May - Aug) has been filled with risk and stepping out.
This picture captures it perfectly.
I call it the "in between" space.
The open space where the trapeze artist lets go of the rope which is holding them securely in the air only to hope that their partner will catch them on the other side.
Floating in mid-air.
Seconds which probably feel like years.
Risking. Trusting. Hoping.
Feeling completely and utterly dependent.

This second 1/3 has been filled with all of the above.
I stepped out this past May and ran my very first half marathon, a goal that I had put off for the past 4 years. The risk for me was believing in myself that I would follow through with a challenge that I had set for myself, no matter how hard the training got.
I also stepped out and risked dating again. A risk which meant being willing to open up my heart again which was very significant for my healing process.
I risked musically... plunging myself into gospel style piano when there was a need for a keyboardist at my church, leading worship WHILE playing piano and singing, and giving free vocal coaching to an at-risk youth in order to help in her recovery process. All of which involved me putting myself out there and potentially exposing my limited and rusty skills for the sake of serving another.
But probably one of the biggest risks that I took was stepping out of my comfy, cozy job and and furnished apartment in order to be obedient to God's call to the city.
A risk taken, which for some in this economy, may not completely make sense.

I knew that whenever I stepped out from Res Life that major change was ahead.
But I also knew that if I let myself ignore God's nudging on my heart to be obedient to this calling towards the city, then my life would end up on a very different trajectory.
Fear would have its way.
And I'd be settling for what felt easy.
So I stepped out.
Into the great unknown.
Not putting my hope in the economy.
But rather in God.

As I look back on my life, I have learned that it is in the risking that we grow.
Not risking for the sake of risk.
But risking for the sake of obedience.
Most humans don't like that space "in between" because we feel very much out of control.
But I am convinced that growth doesn't happen when we settle for what's comfortable.

I may not necessarily enjoy all of the risks that God has led me into this season.
But if it is a matter of saying yes to fear versus saying yes to God, then heck yes...
I'm stepping out.

I don't know what this next 1/3 of the year holds, but I know that the safety net of God's will and provision is much more secure than anything I could fashion in my illusive grasp for control and comfort.

"Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life." - Donald Miller in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years