Mercies in Disguise

"What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is revealing of a greater thirst that this world cannot satisfy. What if the trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise."

A Generous God

I don't have a difficult time believing that God will provide for my basic needs... food, shelter, clothing.
But, I do have a difficult time believing that God wants to be generous with me.
Is that because I feel entitled to certain things?
I am willing to admit that my definition of what makes God generous is a little skewed.

Today, I found myself discouraged and having difficulty believing that God wants to be generous with me.
It's so easy to look at others' lives and the ways that God had been generous with them, and wonder "Why not me, Lord?"
"Why must I continue to struggle and face this barrier?"
[cricket, cricket]

Tonight, as I read Matthew 20:1-15, I am forced to ask a different question:

"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard. About nine in the morning he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went. He went out again about noon and about three in the afternoon and did the same thing. About five in the afternoon he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’ ‘Because no one has hired us,’ they answered.  He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.' When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’ The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. ‘These who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’ But he answered one of them, ‘I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”

It's easy to read this passage and struggle with the question, Is God being generous or unfair?
Well, if at the core of what I believe is that I will succeed or receive what I want if I perform in a certain way, then yes, the landowner would be considered very unfair.
But, if at the core of what I believe is that I am poor and needy, and the landowner gave me an opportunity to work for the day and get paid (whether that be 1 hr or 12), then I would say that he was generous.
Perspective is everything in this story.
Of who the workers were in relation to the landowner.
And the same is true for us.
Having a proper perspective of who we are in relation to the Almighty God will reveal what the true answer is.
God is incredibly generous with us simply because He loves us, not because we have earned His favor.

I was convicted as I read this passage because I realize how I all too often go to God with a set of expectations that He will work in a certain way in my life, and if He doesn't, I judge God as unfair.
I would never admit this out loud, but this is so often what I do.

God may not promise to answer my prayers exactly as I expect Him to, but He does promise to stay true to His character.
God's character never changes.
And His love for me is steadfast.

Jehovah Jireh.
My Provider.
The God who brought down manna to the grumbling Israelites.
The God who saw Hagar and Ishmael dying in the desert and provided a well.
The God who hears Nehemiah's plead to rebuild his beloved war-torn city of Jerusalem.
The God who sees the Hellenistic Jews being overlooked and gives them a seat of power of the distribution of food.
This same God sees and hears me.
Knows what I need before I even ask for any of it.
And is already working on my behalf.
Differently than I am probably anticipating.
But He is working.
And He does promise to provide.
And His provision is always generous when we can recognize that there is nothing in our strength, will, or goodness which can secure anything for ourselves apart from the grace of God.

May I wait in anticipation of this generous God and be a recipient of His daily graces with a heart of gratitude.
Lord, forgive me for my short-sightedness and desire to always be in control. Help me to receive from You as You long to lavish good gifts to Your children.

Let the words of this great hymn encourage your hearts to more deeply trust our Generous God as it has mine.

Receiving Gifts

It is so easy to miss out on the gifts that are coming straight from the hand of the Father if we are not looking for it. The past month has been full of great and small gifts. Literally every day...

I had an unexpected amount of charges that I had to pay for this past week on my car...
... an Oil Change which added up to $250 worth of additional maintenance fees. Ugh.
... and a Registration Renewal, Smog Check to add to the list.
I was feeling a bit overwhelmed because my money is now finite having received my last paycheck from Biola last week.
I have enough to get me through the next 6 weeks or so of bills and living costs, but after that, I am broke.
Money is tiiiight and I am feeling it.
But sure enough, God provided.
Just today, I got a $300 check in the mail from family to cover the costs.

The stories continue...
Just a few weeks ago, a friend invited me to San Diego to join them on their vacation.
Unexpectedly, I was able to enjoy an inexpensive little vaca in my unemployed time off and it was so refreshing and good.
As we were at the outlet mall, we were in the changing rooms of the Banana Republic outlet (dangerous, very dangerous).
I was definitely not planning on buying anything, but thought I would go ahead and try stuff on for fun.
After trying on two beautiful dresses, my friends would not let me pass it up.
It was a buy one, get one free deal that day.
So they insisted on paying for these two dresses for me just as a gift.
No strings attached.
What?! Who does that? I am still blown away by their unsolicited generosity.

As I sit here and consider all the ways that God has lavished His good gifts on me in the past few weeks, I am overwhelmed...
He's provided a roof over my head, a room of my own, and weekly meals...
A borrowed laptop to use during the summer while I am looking for jobs...
Friends offering to pay for meals or fun summer activities...
Living with beautiful children that truly give me so much joy....
Living with an amazing woman who truly is a mentor and inspiration to me everyday...
Free gospel/salsa piano workshops to expand my keyboard skills and a borrowed keyboard to practice on...
Opportunities to lead worship and use my gifts for ministry within the church.
A free mattress and box spring...
Free storage for all of my stuff...
He's deepening current relationships...
Blessing me with new relationships...
Healing past relationships...
Giving me vision for future ministry...
And a heart for the neighborhood that our church is moving into in the coming weeks.
The list goes on...

How can I deny God's hand at work all around me?
It's so easy to zoom in on those one or two things that still seem to so intangible and beyond our reach, but miss out on the many things which God is doing all around us.
So as I sit here with still so many unanswered questions about the future, God continues to remind me, "I got you, Michelle. Don't you see that I got you?"

"Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Matthew 6:31-34

I am learning to receive like a poor man, yet one who is inherently rich in Him.
May my life be a testimony one day that says, "God did it. He made the impossible possible. Come and see that the Lord is good."

Play Time

Never a dull moment with these kids...

Marcus hammin' it

 Isaac acting surprised. Beautiful Gaby.

Dress up time.

Strike a pose.

Chloe and her look-alike

Marcus' favorite sport

Community, Family & Shared Mission

A snapshot of what my church is all about...

The Theophilus Fellowship from Fountain of Life on Vimeo.

My church has become family to me. Spiritual family. The kind that Christ speaks of in Matthew 12:50. It has been 3 1/2 years since I stepped foot into Fountain of Life, endearingly known as FOL. I knew from the very first moment that this place was different. And I think this video reveals why. It reveals that God still has the power to transform communities and people whom much of the world has forgotten and become hopeless. I am blown away every day by God's transforming power through the lives of the people I now call family at FOL.

Through FOL, I have...
- grown in my hunger and thirst for the Word and given the tools to study the Word more deeply
- experienced incredible accountability towards godliness and character
- learned more about my own spiritual gifts
- been stretched, challenged, and discipled by the Holy Spirit through the relationships I have built
- developed rich friendships with people who are completely different than me
- deepened in conviction towards God's heart for the poor and the city

Halfway through year 4, we are getting ready to move into the West side of Long Beach to focus the ministry in the neighborhood where our Family Center is located. These are exciting days where many people are making deeper commitments to community, using their gifts for the Kingdom, and the neighborhood. People are intentionally growing together and moving outward in mission. Many people like myself are making moves to commit to living more incarnationally in the neighborhood that we are serving. So I am not alone.

Please pray for me that God would continue to reveal how He wants me to use my gifts for the kingdom. I just want to be faithful. And I'm so grateful that I get to partner with what God is doing in our midst.

SummerTime in SoCal

Huntington Gardens, Pasadena

LA Flower Market

Grill Outs with Friends

Know Yourself As Truly Loved

In the midst of transition where my faith seems to be tested more than ever, I have to keep coming back to the solid place. Henri Nouwen knows just the right words to speak to my soul.

Some people have lived such oppressed lives that their true selves have become completely unreachable to them. They need help to break through their oppression. Their power to free themselves has to be at least as strong as the power that keeps them down. Sometimes they need permission to explode: to let out their deepest emotions and to shake off the alien forces. Screaming, yelling, crying, and even physical fighting might be expressions of liberation. 

You, however, do not seem to need such explosion. For you, the problem is not to get something out of your system but to take something in that deepens and strengthens your sense of your goodness and allows your anguish to be embraced by love.

You will discover that the more love you can take in and hold on to, the less fearful you will become. You will speak more simply, more directly, and more freely about what is important to you, without fear of other people's reactions. You will also use fewer words, trusting that you communicate your true self even when you do not speak much. 

The disciples of Jesus had a real sense of his loving presence as they went out to preach. They had seen him, eaten with him, and spoken with him after his resurrection. They had come to live a deep connectedness with him and drew from that connectedness the strength to speak out with simplicity and directness, unafraid of being misunderstood or rejected. 

The more you come to know yourself - spirit, mind, and body - as truly loved, the freer you will be to proclaim the good news. That is the freedom of the children of God.

Excerpt from Inner Voice of Love 

A Few Guiding Principles for Community Development

This is a learning and growing summer for me. One of the many ways that I hope to do so is by doing a lot of reading, particularly books connected to Community Development. The most recent book I just finished was probably one of my favorites on the topic thus far: Compassion, Justice, and the Christian Life: Rethinking Ministry to the Poor by Robert Lupton. He is a genius. I found his thoughts to be challenging, articulate, easy-to-read, innovative, and smart. He clearly understands the long-range vision of community development, and provides the road map in how to get there. He address relevant issues that both urban and suburban churches will have to face in order to respond to the poor in their midst. I especially love how he includes all people from different backgrounds, socioeconomic status, skills, education to the the table and urges them that they have a vital role to play. The Church needs to respond, not just parachurch organizations to the issues of poverty and injustice that exist all around us. Go and read it!

As I was reading through this book, I was reaffirmed in the values that led me to this place. Since being introduced to the organization, Christians in Community Development Association (CCDA), I have been so encouraged by other urban practitioners who have dedicated their life to the same mission and calling: to serve the least of these in our cities. CCDA has coined a set of core principles which guide all that they do. I wanted to share these with you to give you a window into my world. I will do my best to summarize.

#1 Relocation: Living Among the People
Relocation is based on the idea of living "incarnationally" among the people you are serving. To desire the same thing for your neighbor as you desire for yourself. This posture allows us to share in each other's joys and sorrows. There are 3 kinds of people who live in the community: "Relocators" are people who are not born in the inner city but moved into the neighborhood. Second are the "returners." These are the people born and raised in their community who then left for a better life. Usually they return from college or the military. They are no longer trapped by the surrounding poverty of their neighborhood. Yet, they choose to return and live in the community they once tried to escape. Last are the "remainers." These are the ones that could have fled the problems of the inner city but chose to stay and be a part of the solution to the problems surrounding them (p. 125). Commuting in and being a migrant church which pops in and out serves a purpose, but not one of long-term community development.


#2 Reconciliation: Reconciling People to God and to Each Other
Our commitment to reconciliation is core to our faith as believers... or at least it should be. We all believe that people need to be reconciled to God. However, the concept of reconciliation doesn't end here. Rather, it is wholistic. It involves not only the importance of evangelism and discipleship, but it also involves social action. Community Development encompasses both and recognizes that we need to meet all of the needs of a person, not just physical and not just spiritual, because we are wholistic beings. In addition, the part of reconciliation that gets under-emphasized is reconciliation within the church. The most racially segregated time of the week in our nation is Sunday morning during church services... American churches are rarely integrated and thus weaken the gospel because of this practice. (p. 126). We must be intentional in pursuing reconciliation and committed to embracing the process for the sake of bringing glory to Christ's name and authenticating the message we are sharing.


#3 Redistribution: Just Distribution of Resources
When God's people who have resources (regardless of their race or culture) commit to living in underserved communities, seeking to be good neighbors, being examples of what it means to be a follower of Christ, working for justice for the entire community, and utilizing their skills and resources to address the problems of that community alongside their neighbors, then redistribution is being practiced (p. 128). Redistribution involves taking personal responsibility for restoring justice in your community by finding creative solutions to utilize the resources of the community to address broken systems (ie. unjust prison system, hiring practices, educational system, housing developments, etc).


#4 Leadership Development
Building up indigenous leaders within the community to lead their own communities is the ultimate goal of community development. However, this process is only possible when there is longevity of ministry. Quick fixes do not work in poor neighborhoods where root issues are not being dealt with. It takes time and investment in the youth of our cities. Encouraging escapism (an attitude of flight from inner city youth who make it out of the "ghetto" and never come back) can discourage the process of leadership development over time. Ministries must be committed to this process for the long haul in order to see organic leadership rise up within the next generation.


#5 Listening to Community
It is vital for community developers to practice listening to the community by hearing their dreams, ideas, and thoughts. In doing so, we learn what their felt needs are. It is important not to focus on the weaknesses or needs of a community.The felt need concept helps us as community developers to focus on the desires of the community residents... Asset-based community development focuses on the assets of a community and builds upon them. When felt needs are fused together with community assets, this can have extremely positive results (p. 130). Once those needs are identified, then the question is "What qualities, talents and abilities does the community have that can help solve these problems?" This allows for those in the community to take ownership and empowers them to help be a part of the solution.


#6 Church-Based Community Development
I am particularly passionate about this one. It is sad to say, but the church has increasingly become irrelevant in their surrounding community, and often can be seen as an unfriendly neighbor. So many of our churches have become commuter churches which take up parking spaces, but don't know their neighbors, much less the impact that their church is having in their neighborhood. Churches should be seen as lovers of their communities and neighborhoods (p. 132). There are many individuals and organizations which are meeting the needs of their communities, but they are limited. They need the church in order to be a spiritual hospital and family for the brokenness that exists in our neighborhoods. The church plays a critical role in the process of community development, and yet it is so rare to find churches who are committed to their neighborhoods.


#7 A Wholistic Approach
Christian Community Development must consider the whole of a person and the community because each carry their own spiritual, social, economic, political, cultural, emotional, physical, moral, judicial, educational and familial issues. Because we are limited in our resources and expertise, it is important for the church to build partnerships within their communities to address the diverse issues at hand.


#8 Empowerment
One of the greatest challenges in community development is to not settle for quick and easy solutions which foster an attitude of dependency. This is found often in mercy ministries which want to give a person a dollar or feed them a meal at a soup kitchen. This approach may meet an immediate need for the day, but it doesn't help them to help themselves for tomorrow. Empowerment of an individual doesn't just give a man a fish, but it teaches him how to fish. Empowerment of a community helps them buy a pond and creates jobs for fishermen (p. 77). Oftentimes, charity demeans a person and strips him or her of dignity. In contrast, empowerment affirms a person's God-given dignity (p. 135).

Finally, it all can be summed up in this short poem (p. 135-136):

Go to the people. Live among them. Learn from them. Love them. Start with what the know. Build on what they have. But of the best leaders, when their task is done, the people will remark, "We have done it ourselves".

 Which of these principles feels most challenging to you? I would love to hear your thoughts.